At last, my fifth book has been self-published. This one is a fantasy
novel. I’ve never wanted to write a fantasy novel because I'm too much of
a realist, but I was challenged to try and write one by the students in my
class. Since I've never been one to back away from a healthy challenge, I
picked up the gauntlet.
I see myself as a teacher with a hobby to write. I'm not really "an
author". I think what happens after the book is done is what puts me off.
I don't want to advertise or sell my books. Contacting publishers only to be
rejected is not my cup of tea. So, my books are merely my legacy for my
children for as long as they are interested.
Through the Bark is probably the most difficult book
and genre I’ve written. Regardless, it has shaped me in quite a remarkable way.
I write mostly in the evenings, over weekends and during school holidays. I
started writing the book in November 2018. I chose to write in first person – and to this day I
have no idea why. Needless to say, somewhere along the line, in between
preparing lessons, teaching and assessing assignments, I lost my character. In
July, 2019, I realised the character in chapter six was not the character I had
started out with in chapter one. So, I had to backtrack. Being tired, I decided
to ditch the efforts. I stopped writing in August and threw the idea of being a
fantasy writer out of the window.
In December, I read through the book and started from scratch with a new
character. A whole new book came to light. I practically wrote the entire book
during that holiday. Then I left it to rest until Lockdown, 2020. I completed
editing my work in April.
I self-published the book through Groep-7 in
Johannesburg and it is also available as an e-book with Kobo.
The blurb:
It’s the beginning of
the end. The tree looms dark and tall over every challenge the young, depressed
teenager has ever faced. Then, there’s the simple choice: to pick up the wooden
beads or to leave them on the ground, half-hidden beneath the decaying leaves.
Innocent curiosity brings a subtle transformation, which leads to betrayal and
death. Within the dark and dank tunnels beneath the tree, there is a way that
leads to sacrifice and a way that leads to eternal despair. Will courage be
enough for this young hero to endure the consequences of the road taken?
Synopsis:
The story is about a young teenager
who suffers depression. The story is written in first person narration. The
teen in the story has no specific identity: no name, gender, age, or race. It’s
basically up to the reader to decide what the identity is. I will refer to
the teen as a boy in this synopsis.
The teen is an only
child and an introvert who isolates himself. He walks to school and home every
day. It is a thirty- minute walk. A huge oak tree is the halfway mark. One day
the teen finds wooden beads beneath a tree that look like a bangle. He decides
to wear the bangle. A strange metamorphosis takes place, where the teen starts
to feel positive about life. The tree’s future is in jeopardy when plans for a
shopping centre are made. The teen wishes to protect the tree. The teen magically
is pulled into the tree. Whenever he is inside, the tree cannot be chopped
down. When the beads begin to glow, the teen knows that the tree is in danger.
That is when the teen needs to enter the tree. Inside the tree, the teen is
able to walk in underground tunnels. He meets Filbert and Quercus (tree
creatures). He also meets Fachen, a one-eyed blue boy from a mystical forest.
The teen enters the mystical forest and loses the beads. By the time he finds
the beads, they are glowing. He races back to the tree’s underground tunnels to
save it from being chopped down. Will he make it in time?
Chapter One:
Silent shadows dance eerily on the
road as I walk home. I’m neither keen to get there nor stay out here in the
dark. My pace is patterned on perception: I move quietly because I fear the
ominous presence that moves with me and whispers in the air.
With only the moon and stars to guide
me, it’s obvious why my imagination is running wild. It feels as if I’m being
followed. I turn to look back, as I’ve done so many times before. Yet, there’s
nothing there to see.
I focus on the tree ahead of me. Its
silhouette stands gracefully against the distant horizon, waiting patiently, as
always, for me to pass. It’s the majestic half-way mark.
I simply love this tree.
It has an air about it that demands
respect and admiration. I’ve never walked home this late before. When the sun
silently sets behind the mountain, I’m usually safe inside my room. I have more
things to do inside the comfort of my room than in this chaotic world. I prefer
to sit on my bed and read or write. I can stay there forever. I
don’t care for social gatherings,
friends or company. There’s nothing that draws me to leave my room when dusk
descends.
Tonight has been an inescapable
exception.
I walk to school every day and home
again – alone. The thirty-minute walk gives me time to think. I’m not fortunate
enough to have doting parents who drive me to and from school. There’s a bus,
but I’d rather keep the money for more interesting things.
My parents’ interest in me is purely
for the sake of boasting because, when they were young, they never bothered to
amount to anything that’s worth talking about. Yes, they attended school,
played sport and achieved good grades. Yes, they attended university and
graduated. They both have well-paying jobs, but that’s all they really
have. They work long hours to make ends meet: they are hard-working, taxpaying
citizens who have no joy in life. I find no sense in their ceaseless chasing
after the wind.
They’re like tamed birds in a cage.
Even if the door is left open, they won’t come out. They’ve lost their sense of
curiosity.
They’re more concerned about what
others think of them, so they play it safe. Keeping up the appearances
necessitates their constant fear of losing their social standing. This makes
them obsess over protecting it. To them, status is everything. I, the protégé,
have learnt best from my masters. I walk in their shadow.
I wish I didn’t have to fear people.
Surely, something should neutralize the constant fear of judgment.
My parents have failed in their
conquest to look into themselves, to find inner wisdom to counteract their fear
of judgment. They plod along blindly in the security of routine. They no longer
focus on what they really want.
Everyone has a passion. Surely they,
too, must’ve had something that they were passionate about at some point in
their lives. What that is I’ll never know because I never ask – and never will.
Instead of showing any interest in them, I stay out of their sight.
Their constant bickering sends me off
into my own realms where music and books reign supreme. Within this sphere, I
can control all influences and protect my cracked world from shattering into
smithereens.
Tonight, I’ve had the opportunity to
sit in the stuffy school hall for almost two hours doing absolutely nothing. As
with most formal school functions, the awards evening was mind-deadening. Time
fragmented into insanely unsatisfying moments and my mood constantly tipped
inward to drink from the dregs of despondency.
The only thing that I gained from the
experience is to realise (once again) that the blatant obsession to excel puts
acute pressure on the youth to develop superior skills. There are too many
expectations that cleave to our conscience and not one of these expectations
have anything to do with us or with who we really are. We are made to believe
that there will be dire consequences if we don’t excel; we are worth nothing
without our distinctions. Hence, we become competitive and we compete only for
the best.
Why do we do it? We do it to become
part of the privileged, the cream of the crop, and we pay an exorbitant price
to achieve this status.
While some of it is self-imposed,
adults are largely responsible. Instead of teaching us to have a passion for
learning or for life, they teach us to live without equilibrium.
What’s the point of having all these
book-savvy A’s? None of us are passionate about what we’re doing. In the real
world, far from all the school-book knowledge, we aren’t worth a single one of
these A’s. We have no experience. We suffocate in confusion because we know too
little about ourselves and how to live a life. We only know what others have
told us and how to chase their dreams, which is absolute foolishness. We’ve
become over-protected, over-indulged, book-intelligent teenagers with neglected
virtues, and our souls are impoverished.
The tree distracts my train of thought.
Dark and tall, it looms over me. I
stop and look up at it with nothing less than awe and admiration. The
prodigious tree stands independently and with such stature.
I ooze forward into the shadow thrown
across the desolate road, with no intention to leave. It’s just me and the tree.
I try to wrap my mind around the
significance of the moment. There’s an inner struggle of resistance I
can’t explain. How is it that the tree just grows here? Who told it how to
grow? It’s rooted in natural development according to its nature. It doesn’t
burden itself with a past or plan ahead for a future. It just thrives in the
moment. Why can’t humans be like that?
A shiver slips down my spine. I’m
suddenly overwhelmed by the daunting darkness. The shadows of the towering tree
are imbued with imminence.
I’m accustomed to fear; it has been my
constant companion during this night’s walk, but now it intensifies and anxiety
grips my heart. I don’t mind being filled with fear. When it happens, I know
that it’s not really shutting me down; it’s waking up my senses. I’ve learned
that it’s only when I’m scared that I truly feel alive. Anxiety is different,
though. I don’t like feeling anxious. I don’t want to be numbed by fear. I
don’t want to be numbed by anything.
My home and parents have made me numb
to many emotions. I carry hate as a daily burden. Conflict between them
just drags me under, deeper and deeper. It’s not them that I hate. I hate their
behaviour towards each other because of each other, and what it’s doing to me.
As I grow older, I become more aware
of the exhilaration that creeps into my veins at the prospect of leaving them.
If it means dying in order to leave, then so be it. They make me yearn for
moments where I can just let go of life. They’ve made me feel comfortable with
the idea that there’s more to life after death. I’ve no idea where I’ll be once
I’ve crossed over, but I’m happy to know that I won’t be here. The world is a
wonderful place, but people, like my parents, have ruined it.
I pause.
I move ever so slightly.
My first footstep barely tramples the
autumn leaves that lay motionless beneath the tree when my eyes impulsively
dart back to the very spot where it lies. It’s almost as if I shouldn’t see it
lying there, camouflaged and half-buried beneath the decaying pile. Yet, I do.
I see it so clearly as if I’m meant to.
I’m not sure what it is that made me
look down. Perhaps it was the slightest of a rustling noise that caught my
attention.
I bend slowly to pick it up.
I move out from the shadows into the
moonlight and notice the different shades of each little wooden bead. The beads
are smooth and not one is like the other. Is it a beaded bangle? I slip the
beads over my wrist. They are warm against my skin and I feel comfortable
wearing them. Whilst admiring the unique beauty of each little bead, I start
walking again. Curiosity creeps slowly out of the dark recesses of my mind and
I wonder: to whom does the bangle belong?
Distance changes slowly when it’s done
on foot and so do my thoughts.
It’s the last leg of my journey;
there’s just one more turn in the road and then I’ll be home. The warmth of the
wooden beads has seeped in and spread throughout my body. Strangely, I feel
better. I also feel different about home. Somehow, I’ve found a smidgen of
courage to go there.
The amber windows wink warmly,
lovingly, but I know they aren’t – and, even knowing this, it’s strange that I
should think of them in this way. It’s strange that I should think of the house
as a place where love can thrive.
It’s never been hospitable.
It’s never been… a home.
