Endless possibilities

One of the most difficult people with whom to work is a person who exercises partially biased favouritism.

Now there's some redundant thought!

Another difficult person within the working environment is the one who simply refuses to listen. Oh, they hear you alright! They just don't listen.

Not listening to your peers or colleagues is a serious faux pas. Especially those in a senior position need good listening skills. Those who don't have these skills should learn the art of listening as quickly as possible. They should learn to stand still, make eye contact, show confidence, and meet their peers, colleagues, employees, whoever halfway. There are so many barriers that affect communication. One, in particular, is when personalities are incompatible.

At some point in life, you are bound to find yourself in a situation where you have to deal with difficult people, people with whom you just don't get along. Difficulties arise simply because you are incompatible, but that shouldn't hinder you. Don't allow impossible people to frustrate you. Stand your ground and be confident. You may feel you are the only person who is not getting along with that particular person, but if you don't see eye to eye, it's not your fault. Oil and water simply don't mix. It doesn't matter how the person interacts with others, if you're not getting along with that person, you're not to blame.

An important goal is to protect your self-esteem. If you find yourself in a situation where someone is constantly trying to portray you as inadequate or in the wrong, take active steps to maintain a positive self-image. People are opinionated, but that's exactly it: mere opinions. You don't have to defend yourself against them.

In all relationships, be the manager. Manage the situation. Don't allow anger or frustration to create opportunities that will make you say or do something irresponsible or regrettable.  As the manager, you have to prevent damage to yourself rather than do damage control. One of the best resources is silence. With that comes listening. Those who are silent learn to observe. They are the ones who listen.

Working with impossible people and impossible situations requires wisdom. Seeing that opposites attract, remember to be a possible person during impossible times. Have an attitude open to endless possibilities!

Leadership skills can be maintained by anyone, even those who are not leaders. Self-improvement is a step forward in the right direction. Just imagine what the world would be like once filled with corrected attitudes.

It matters who you are, but it also matters who other people are. Everyone counts!

The sub-conscious and self-motivation

We were in a short meeting yesterday, during the second break. Motivational speaker, Callie Roos, came with 12 or 13 or 14 specific points to discuss with us.

I didn't take notes. At that specific time, I was too tired. In fact, many people didn't take notes. They just listened. He kept telling us to remember the points. He repeated them several times throughout the forty-minute talk. I walked out of that room remembering six or seven. 

You see, the conscious mind can only hold around seven pieces of information in short-term memory. The subconscious mind, however, stores all the knowledge you've ever acquired. Everything you've ever read, heard, thought, or imagined is held within its immense bank vaults. So, what he said is in my subconscious and I will be able to draw upon it when I need to.

The mind has been described as such:

The conscious mind is like a yacht. The subconscious mind is like the ocean.

When the conscious mind struggles to remember something and eventually gives up, the subconscious mind trawls through its vast database, making connections between various bits of information, and eventually retrieves the information that is needed at a given time.

When you are experiencing a problem, you shouldn't struggle with it. Pass it on to the subconscious mind. Don't focus on the problem. Focus on the solution. When you allow the subconscious mind to work, it will eventually give you a hint or a mental image of the solution. While you continually struggle to focus on the problem with the conscious mind, the subconscious is working, processing, and making connections. The only problem is, your conscious mind is not opening opportunities for any sub-conscious breakthroughs and you're stuck focusing on the problem.

Listening to Callie Roos was very interesting. I'm sure the points I have consciously forgotten will surface one day when I need them.

What is motivation? One definition is that it's the act or process of motivating. The secret lies in the word "process". After a motivational talk, the listener needs time to think about what has been said. Going back to the classroom directly after the talk is an obstacle within the definition.

One of the seven points I remember is "inspiration". We need inspiration on a daily basis and it lies within ourselves to find inspiration. I find it in my classroom when I teach. Facial expressions of amusement or wry disappointment inspire me. Moods inspire me.

In life, you should be your own personal motivational speaker. You have the capability of moving yourself on an emotional level through your normal day-to-day train of thought. 

How? 

• Gain confidence in yourself. You are unique. No one is like you. You have to like who you are. 
• Learn to focus on all your positive attributes. By doing this, you'll secure personal credibility. 
• Maybe you want to climb a mountain, but realistically, you can't. Accept it and go out. Go and climb a tree. When you're at the height where you feel comfortable, perceive yourself in a positive light: you are a climber of small trees and be happy with it. Why be more? If climbing makes you happy then climb, but love yourself in the process. 
• Be realistic. Accept your limitations and be happy. 
• Strive to achieve a higher goal at a later stage when you're used to being comfortable with the attained height, but don't want too much too soon. 
• You have to obtain trust in yourself if you want to be happy.

You don't have to find the best time of any given day to motivate yourself. Self-motivation should be like breathing: constant and with purpose. Being proactive in fighting negativity is the greatest fight of all, but it makes you tired. That's why laughter is necessary. So when all else fails, laugh. Even when there's nothing to laugh about, laugh on credit.

At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.  ~ Jean Houston.

New Year resolutions

So many New Year resolutions, so few kept. By the end of the first week, sadly, many are just not remembered. It's not because we suffer from temporary amnesia, but rather because time waits for no man. We are so busy, there's just no time in our hectic schedule to keep focused on what we want to change or what we want to do.

Needless to say, few people have the willpower to see their resolutions through.

I think, when it comes to bad habits and good intentions, we shouldn't wait for a year to end to make any efforts. Each day should be like a new page, a new challenge. When we really want to stop a bad habit or start something good or worthwhile, we should simply do it. When we fail or stumble, we should learn to start over again as soon as possible.

A good example is dieting. How many of us want to lose weight? (I'm a member of that club!) We start dieting and by the third or fourth day, we lose the willpower to see it through. Then we indulge and the shameless guilt takes over. Soon we find a new diet to follow. We forget that eating healthy is a lifestyle. It shouldn't be a punishment. Thorough research into the perfect personal eating plan is necessary and with the gained information, it should be a pleasure to eat. Eventually, weight loss will come naturally, not because it's forced. 

I sometimes think we're just too busy trying to make a living. We forget to enjoy life. A lot of people live to eat, work or relax. Shouldn't it be the other way round? Shouldn't we eat, work or relax to live? Shouldn't there be happiness in doing that? Shouldn't it be something we strive for every day?

New Year resolutions are good, but everyday resolutions are better. Let's make 2011 a daily pleasure. It's worth a try.

Being me is a courageous thing

When I was a teen, I was given a book of Khalil Gibran's work. Most of the time I didn't understand what I was reading, but some of the phrases and words made an impression in my mind. He was one of the people who inspired me to write. 

I always used to wonder: What's in a word? How can a word make a difference? Over the years, I discovered that the art of writing lies in combining specific words creatively to shape the thoughts of other people. 

Words alone don't necessarily make the difference because mood matters. When we communicate with people, they are aware of what we're saying, but there's more to it. The power of communication doesn't always lie in what we say. The power lies in how we say things. Not only in casual conversation, but even on paper we are able to pick up on the mood. It's visible even on screen in the way people comment or make status updates on sites like Facebook or Twitter. They just spontaneously write, whatever they're thinking, with little concern about word choice. 

Many people are negatively inspired. Negativity comes naturally and builds up over time because life is full of frustration and irritation, hurdles, and uninspiring events. Suffering especially causes negativity. Who in the world does not suffer? Some people suffer poverty and others battle with their health. Some suffer isolation and others suffer abuse. There are so many forms of suffering. Sometimes we endure different forms of suffering at the same time. Life, then, requires more courage than we realize, and for us to be who we are becomes a courageous thing. 

My adult life has been a struggle financially and even though I always thought that this was hard, I never considered how different it could be. About a week ago, I became extremely ill. I visited a doctor at the start of the week and was convinced the medication would work. Two days later, I was bedbound and thinking I was at death's door. I had never felt so ill in my life. At one point I remember thinking: all I want in life is to feel better. I wanted to feel the way I had done prior to becoming ill. I visited another doctor and this time the pills worked. Today, I can't believe I was that ill. What made me ill? Stress. What caused the stress? Negativity.

If I must suffer, which would I prefer: ill-health or financial instability? Surely one form of suffering affects the other. In the end, it's the way we perceive suffering that makes the difference. After all, suffering is a perception. (Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. ~ Haruki Murakami.)

I find the placebo effect when I focus on positive things. Reading work like that of Khalil Gibran's or Helen Steiner Rice, in my case, makes a difference. To me, it's all about the power of words and my simple belief that every dark cloud has a silver lining. When I get tired and all the negativity builds up, I lose focus. I stop reading. I stop believing.

There are so many positive things in life that we fail to see and while negativity blinds us, we have so much power. Our strength lies within. Our thoughts have the power, like words, to shape our days. When life knocks us down, we need to remember these simple words:  "You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." ~ Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh.

 

Moving ... again!

As a child, I moved a lot ... not by choice. Every time my father was transferred between army units (which was every 3 years), I had to cope with the stress and I simply hated it. I attended seven schools, which may not seem much in comparison to what other children go through, but for me it was awful.  Each move affected me negatively: socially, emotionally, and academically.

My childhood trauma has obviously left its mark. Every time I have to move it shatters my sense of security. I have nightmares of my father (who sadly passed away in 1990), and I'm left feeling helpless and vulnerable.

Now I'm moving again ... not because I want to, but because I have to. I'm also moving to a place I do not like. Knowing that I do not like the place has made me consider many different options. I've considered resigning and moving to the city where my husband works. I've considered moving elsewhere in town. Balancing the pros and cons has been tough. Financially, any move I make, other than the one forced upon me, will be a burden.

My health has been affected: I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't think clearly. The only way I'm going to regain my sanity and good health is by accepting my fate. So, perhaps now, whilst writing, I should make peace with the inevitable. 

Over the next few days, I'll be packed and unpacked. Of course, there's packing and packing.

This is not the way I do it.

I'm just not that organized. I love the idea, but with me, it starts out well-planned only in my head. Then it gets worse. Reality sets in.

The most important thing is that I get there and settle in, eventually. So here's looking forward to the last week of 2010, me and the big move.

Bouncing back

Every trial or bad experience in life makes you more resilient. Failure in itself is a stepping stone. It's a learning experience to achieve something better. A lot of people prefer to stay down once they've hit the floor, but in reality, it's not how far you fall that makes the difference. It's how high you bounce when you reach the bottom.

It's hard to bounce back if you're always negative. Negative thoughts just keep you down. So the first thing to do after hitting the floor is to get up and limit the amount of negativity that enters your mind. The more resilient you become in life, the more you'll find yourself using positive thoughts to help you bounce back.

Negative emotions not only keep you down, but they also put limits on your thoughts. They prevent you from thinking clearly and finding solutions. That's where the power of positive thinking comes in. When you're positive, your mind works in so many different ways. You find yourself coping better and recovering from setbacks a whole lot faster. The most amazing thing about a positive mindset is that it helps to drive negativity away.

Bouncing back isn't easy, especially if there's no bounce in you. When you're really down and life seems to have come to a standstill, bouncing back may be the last thing you're thinking of, but no matter how far life pushes you down, you have the power to decide whether you're going to stay down or bounce back. You decide when, how, and why. Continue to think positive thoughts and give yourself enough time.

Then, when you're ready, start bouncing.

I changed my mind

The metamorphosis is clear. I am what I continually think.

It all starts in the mind. If you can think of it, you can do it. If you can do it, you can have it. Simple. In theory, perhaps, but there's more to it.

Many people believe that happiness lies in what they have. The more they have, the better. The truth is that you don't really need to have anything in life. Life is not about material gain, possessions and wealth. Life is about who or what you are. Happiness comes from within. It's a state of mind.

Unfortunately, selfishness is the greatest hindrance to attaining happiness. So by reaching out to others and moving away from the self, you can make a difference. If you choose to be happy, give your happiness to another person. If you choose to be sincere, give your sincerity to another person. If you choose to be despondent, give your despondency to another person.

In the end, you are what you continually think. Your state of mind reproduces itself. Being happy or sad is a choice. It doesn't matter what your circumstances are in life, your mind has the power to cause an effect on your body. This means that negative thoughts will result in discomfort, stress and bad health while positive thoughts will result in comfort, relaxation and good health.

The power of thought is yours to control. For many years I have suffered bouts of depression and unhappiness. Today, I'm fighting the forces of negative thoughts. It requires effort and patience, but it works. It really does.

Being positive and changing your mindset is a challenge. If you can think it, you can do it. If you can do it, you can have it ...