My last motivational speech for Grade 12, 2018

God has equipped you with everything that you need to fulfil your life purpose. Whatever you’re looking for out there is already what you have. It’s within you.

Your power is within you.

Your continuous search for whatever it is that you think you need is making you run.  If you continue to look out there for the things you already have within you, you will be running for the rest of your life. Running 24/7 is exhausting. One day, when you look back at everything you have worked so hard to accomplish, you will see that it was all so meaningless; you were chasing the wind and there was nothing really worthwhile anywhere (Ecclesiastes 2:11).

So many times you’ve wanted freedom; you’ve wanted love; you’ve wanted happiness; you've wanted more time; and so you’ve been running.

Freedom:

Do you really want to be free? You can be free. All you have to do is control your life, which is not all that simple; but, if you commit to it and use the power within you, you can control your life. 

To be free, you need to build a wall around yourself and protect yourself from every influence that comes your way. To be free, you need to value your opinion only. To be free, you need to make yourself the highest authority in your life, where you are always right and everyone else is always wrong – this includes having authority above God. If you can do this, you will be free, but if you can’t … then you will spend the rest of your life serving. This isn’t such a bad thing. More blessings come from giving than from receiving (Acts 20:35).

Choose today what it is that you want. Do you want to be free or do you want to serve? If you choose to serve, you choose to do good; you choose to do good now; and you choose to do good to the people who are with you now. You give back to society. You give goodness to society. That is all.

Love:

You can’t find love out there. You are love. If you acknowledge love and learn to love who you are, you will radiate love from within. You can’t look for something out there if it’s within you. When you walk up to a mirror and look at yourself, accept yourself, and love who you are, you will be able to love the people around you. You can’t love another person if you don’t love yourself. Charity begins at home. 

Happiness:
There are two things that every person wants in life: happiness and time. These are two things that you can control. 

• Happiness: Control starts in your heart, with your emotions. Your emotions create your thoughts. Since happiness is an emotion, you can control it. To do this, you need to live in a state of gratitude. You need to live in a state of not always wanting more because the more you have, the more you want. With excess there’s responsibility. With responsibility there’s fear. With fear, there’s always anxiety and stress. You will never have a minute of peace. Whatever God has given you is enough for you. You don’t need more and you certainly don’t need less. You can’t live your life looking at what others have. Look inside you and learn to make peace with what you have because IT IS ENOUGH. It is enough for you. Not everyone is meant to climb Mount Everest. Not everyone is meant to govern a country. Not everyone is meant to own a yacht. Imagine if everyone did … if we were all the same ...
• Time: You hear people saying that they’re busy, but are they? You hear people saying that they don’t have enough time, but don’t they? Everyone has the same amount of time every day. There is no such thing as being “busy”. Most people use this word to avoid someone or something (like responsibility) and to procrastinate. You can't always control time, but that doesn't mean you're powerless. A person who learns to plan ahead is a person who knows how to control his time. Unless it’s an emergency, nothing should happen during your day other than what you have planned. Anything outside of your plans can be organised into another day’s schedule.
  
  

Stop living in expectancy. Stop waiting for people to contact you. Stop waiting for people to thank you. Stop waiting for people to respect you, love you, help you, praise you … serve you. Stop waiting for your “ship to come in”. Focus on the here and now: Do good. Do good now. Do good to the people who are with you now. Plan your time: there’s a time for everything, a time to work, and a time to rest. When it’s your time to work, work hard. Work well. Work with joy in your heart. If there’s no joy, you’re doing the wrong type of work. It should never be about the money, but about what you’re able to do; what you’re able to create; and what you’re able to put out there back into the world not only for yourself but also for others. It should be about the legacy you leave.

When things go wrong, make every challenge that causes you pain a learning experience. Life is what it is: an educational institution where you’re always learning, growing, and changing. Where there’s learning, growth, and change, there’s hope.

Walk in faith. The amount of energy that you put out into this world will eventually return to you, but don’t wait for it. You only have this one opportunity to live your life to the full. Make the most of it.

It's my pity-party, so I'll cry if I want to

I'm not going to reflect on anything that I've said in the past. Whatever I've said, I said it because I experienced it. 

Today, I'm just going to say what's on my mind because it's what I'm experiencing NOW. Physical pain is a terrible thing. It's a terrible, terrible thing. When it nears 10 on the pain scale (the worst pain possible), the brain will refuse to cope with it; there are no words to describe it. No one can feel it for you. No one can imagine or understand what you're going through.

On Tuesday, I woke up perfectly fine. Around nine the pain I usually have 24/7 started to intensify. I kept telling myself that it's okay; I can deal with it. I think I almost started crying on three different occasions during class, each time with another group of matriculants in front of me. With one group, I actually said it out loud, "I can't do this!" I immediately corrected the negativity, drank some water, and said, "No, I CAN do this." School closes at 13:30. I left at 13:00. Jana, my daughter, came to fetch me and I couldn't even get into the car. I didn't sleep much that night.

Yesterday, late afternoon, I went to the doctor. The previous day's strain of trying to teach and cope with intense pain left me with an upper back muscle spasm. The injection and pills have managed to leave me feeling more comfortable today. I have no muscle spasms, but the intense pain lingers.

The doctors I'm seeing here in town have no idea what's wrong with me. Stress seems to be the "go-to" word for most of them. One doctor wants me in hospital for tests. Uhm ... no! Been there! Done all that! Another doctor wants me to see a specialist! How many more should I see? It's been two long years. I went for many tests last year from CT scans to the worst imaginable, the colonoscopy. Even my gynecologist is satisfied with my health.  

Today, my husband convinced me to go and see another specialist. So, I'll see what I can do in the next few weeks. In the meantime, I'm trying to convince my brain to continue living with the pain for just a little while longer... even though it has intensified.

Because I'm a teacher, let me share some information with you. If you already know it, good for you. If you don't, well then, here's the opportunity to learn:

Psychogenic Pain: 

This is also called psychalgia or somatoform pain. It's physical pain that is caused, increased, or prolonged by mental, emotional, or behavioural factors. Headache, back pain, or stomach pain are some of the most common types of psychogenic pain.

Phantom Pain:

This is also known as neuropathic pain. When a limb or organ has been lost, you will experience a sensation of pain from a limb or organ that has been lost. Amputees and quadriplegics experience phantom limb pain.

Acute Pain:

This type of pain comes on quickly and can be severe. It doesn't last very long. Acute pain serves as a warning of disease or a threat to the body.

Chronic Pain: 

This type of pain demands attention. It persists for a long, long time, much longer than is normal after the temporal course of the natural healing process. When you suffer high-intensity chronic pain, it impairs your ability to focus and to perform attention-demanding tasks. With chronic pain, no one knows what you’re experiencing or how bad it really is. There are no tests that reveal how much you’re suffering. There are also no outward signs to show how much pain you have. 

I'm suffering from chronic pain. With this hindrance to living a quality life, I do what I have to do (and want to do) as a daughter, wife, mother, friend, colleague, and teacher every day, and I honestly try to live my life “normally”. Not many people know I suffer pain. Even though I've often admired my strength to endure and thought of myself as a role model for others who suffer pain, I know that it's wrong to live like this. Being stubborn to find help doesn't make me the perfect martyr of pain. While pain is still a basic part of my life, suffering remains the key; but, I don't have to live like this for the rest of my life. 

If perhaps you think that I express my pain issues a lot to seek attention, you’re quite right! Let me assure you that I am seeking attention. I'm also emptying my heart this way. I see absolutely nothing wrong with having a pity party and crying if I want to ... (winky face).