Saturday, 25 October 2014

Coping with the Demons Inside

Rock bottom! There is nothing like it.

When you are deep in the pits of despair and nothing can pull you out of it, don’t worry! From experience, I have learnt that repetition is the Mother of Learning. So, when you are there at rock bottom, lie down, close your eyes and repeat the following words over and over again: I hate my life! I hate my life! I hate my life! I hate my life! Don’t get up. Stay down! Dwell on the very thought that you hate your life. As negative as this may seem, this is the beginning of the journey on the road to recovery. Recovery simply means getting out of the dark pit, fighting the demons inside your head and cleaving to the inner hope that you instinctively have.

The most amazing thing about human life is that your brain has been programmed with three incredible truths:  
  • Your mind does not acknowledge age. Even at 50, your mind will feel young.  
  • Your mind was not created to acknowledge death. Even though you age, your mind does not comprehend death and, therefore, inherently, you do not accept that you will die.  
  • Your mind repels negativity. Repeating negative words mentally empowers your mind to employ survival strategies. 
There are two very powerful emotions that can influence you in a destructive way: absolute anger or absolute fear.


Anger is a very dangerous emotion. Anger retaliates in spitefulness. You may be filled with so much anger that all you want to do is spite the world. Your actions are proof of this. While you cannot plan your emotions, you can learn to control them. In life you will always be confronted with situations that seem unmanageable and more often than not, your reactions to these situations are impulsive.

There are different types of anger. Different emotions trigger the types of anger. Short outbursts of frustration or anger are good. No-one wants to bottle up their anger. This will only feed negativity. A fit of rage is more extreme. You will find yourself shouting whilst physically breaking, punching or kicking things. Violent reactions like these are coping-mechanisms, but very damaging. The damage will not only affect your own health, but also your relationships with other people.

The most dangerous anger is suppressed anger. Over time it poisons you completely: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When you don’t allow yourself to vent your anger or express your frustration, you become a living time bomb. When anger is a resident emotion, it feeds depression and anxiety. Eventually it will lead to self-destructive thoughts and deeds. 

The most important thing to remember about anger is that it is an emotion and it can be controlled. There are three words that you may need to reflect on to understand how you can control anger: forgiveness, gratitude and compassion.


Like anger, fear is a demon within you that you need to control. Fear is the opposite of faith. The truth is that when you fear, you have very little or no faith. Fear feeds anxiety and anxiety kills.

When you have low self-esteem and a lack of confidence in life, you live a life where you do not trust yourself. When you cannot trust yourself, you end up trusting no-one. You wear a mask every day as a coping-mechanism so that no-one will see your insecurities and imperfections. Negative thoughts dwindle in your mind and you become afraid. You look for a safehold, a place where you feel comfortable. This doesn’t have to be a literal place. It may be figurative, like the place of intoxication. You fear the world outside and yearn to be in your safehold all the time

There are many different things that you may fear, like the fear of being alone, the fear of imperfection, the fear of aging and the fear of death. It is important that you work towards overcoming these fears. Before you can do this, you need to get to know yourself. Strengthen your strengths, and acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. Once you start focusing on your strengths, you will build your self-confidence. When you feel better about yourself, you will learn to push fear aside. Practice eventually makes perfect.

It’s natural that you will always become angry and you will always fear. You cannot stop experiencing these emotions, but you can control the degree to which you become angry or afraid. You need to recognize the emotions and take control of each.

Your mind is full of thoughts and mental stories. No-one perceives your thoughts and mental stories the way you do. Only you have the power to change these stories.    

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