Saturday, 28 September 2019

When your feet fail you...


In June 2018, I started battling with painful feet. I had the exact pain in both feet: my heels, ankles, the arches of my feet, my forefeet, upper feet, shins, and calves. Of course, being who I am – a strong person/fool – I ignored the problem. The condition in both feet worsened and by December, I was seriously suffering. 


To make a very long story short (December 2018 - May 2019), I visited a physiotherapist, podiatrist, dietician, physician, orthopedic surgeon, and neurologist (in that order). Accordingly, I have been diagnosed with spondylolisthesis (lower vertebrae has slipped forward onto the bone directly beneath it) and peripheral neuropathy (damaged peripheral nerves). Peripheral neuropathy is linked to diabetes. I am not diabetic.

What are my symptoms?

Heel and Achilles tendon: 
Pain on the bottom of the heel, which is present as dull, sharp, or a burning ache. 
Stabbing/shooting and throbbing pain. 
Tightness in the Achilles tendon. 
Pins and needles. 
Feels heavy. 
More pain and difficulty walking after sitting still for more than five minutes. 

Ankle: 
Painful. 

Arch: 
Pain on the inside of the foot just above the arch. 
Painful foot arch. 
Tingling, prickling sensations. 

Forefoot: 
Toes are numb and painful. 
Tingling, prickling sensations – pins and needles. 
Toes can no longer stretch out straight. 
Sharp, aching, or radiating pain in the ball of the foot. 
Bending foot upwards: painful toes. 
Bending foot downwards: painful upper foot. 
Feels heavy. 

Upper foot: 
Tingling, prickling sensations – pins and needles. 
Throbbing pain. 

Shins splints: 
Throbbing, aching pain, or soreness in the front or inside of the lower leg between the ankle and knee.
Tingling, prickling sensations – pins and needles. 
Pain lasts all day. 
Worst at night when in bed. 

Calves: 
Calf contracts. 
Dull aching pain between the ankle and knee. 
Pain lasts all day. 
Feels heavy. 
Worst at night when in bed. 

This condition has affected my work and lifestyle. I can no longer drive, walk very far, sit or stand for too long or get a good night's sleep. I have been contemplating early retirement, but fear falling into a depression if I have nothing to do all day other than just focus on the pain.


The physician, orthopedic surgeon, and neurologist have concluded that there is no cure. I need to rely on medication to control the pain, which I am not doing because I don't like pills! According to the dietician, I need to adjust my diet and avoid certain foods. 

The only constant in my life (bar the pain) is my infallible belief that there is someone out there who can help me and cure my problem. Yes, I am in denial. I don't want to believe that I have peripheral neuropathy. It must be something else, something that can be cured. 

Living with chronic pain is a unique challenge. It's an invisible disability. Every day, I walk through the pain and pretend to be normal. No one understands what I suffer. 



Pain treatment is ideal but temporary. In my case, since June 2018, I have had no relief. Everything that has been attempted has not worked to relieve me of the pain.

Perhaps someone who has suffered the same will read this and let me know how to go forward. I can't imagine another year, month, day, minute, footstep living like this.

Friday, 1 March 2019

Is this the way forward?


I heard more recently: If you’re working harder than your students, you’re doing something wrong. For a hard-working Grade 12 teacher (next-level teaching), these words pierced my heart. After reflecting on the words, I realized that they made no sense.

I don’t work hard for my students. I work hard because that’s who I am. My work defines my character. When I’m given a task, I do it to the best of my ability – not to prove anything, but because I was given a task. When given a task, I accept responsibility for the outcome.

The students don’t motivate me. The principal doesn’t motivate me. My colleagues don’t motivate me. The work doesn’t motivate me. I motivate myself. I do what I do because I want to. If I don’t want to do a task because I have a valid reason not to do it, I speak up. If I’m given no choice, I do the task with the same motivation as any other desirable task that I’ve done before.


If you’ve never heard about self-efficacy or wondered what it means, then read on. Self-efficacy is your belief in your capabilities. If you have low self-efficacy, it simply means you don’t believe you are capable of doing something. If you have high self-efficacy, you have a strong belief in your capabilities. In both cases (low and high), motivation is the vehicle that propels you forward.

From a hardworking teacher’s perspective:

A hardworking teacher shouldn’t feel demotivated because he/she is working hard and the students aren’t. A student’s efforts and results shouldn’t define a hardworking teacher. 

It’s obvious that a hardworking teacher’s results will be better than those of a near-to-passive teacher, but, in my experience, no matter how hard I work, I’m always left disappointed with the outcome of my efforts. Why? 

Children aren’t motivated to learn. From a very young age, they’re motivated to be competitive. I can certainly understand why parents who were high achievers at school expect their children to excel, but I can’t wrap my head around non-achieving parents who demand so much from their children – competitively speaking.

I also heard more recently: Too much time is wasted on those who do not want to learn. My response is: Why don’t they want to learn?

It’s easy to shift the focus of attention to those who are doing well academically. It’s easier to work with students who are self-motivated. In the classroom, teachers provide ample feedback to diligent students whose work is exemplary and who show remarkable improvement in their skills, and they encourage them to continue striving for mastery; they structure tasks and provide material that will challenge these students to work even harder. 

What about the masses of students who are not self-motivated and struggle academically? Do we just leave them to swim against the rapids of information overload – content-heavy, homework burdened, and test-driven terms? They’re there, in the classroom, available to be educated, but for approximately ten weeks per term, they're in the torrent barely surfacing. When we are told to focus on the academic achievers and to leave those who do not want to work to either sink or miraculously survive, we cannot really consider this to be effective teaching and learning. 

Is this the way forward?

If the main purpose at school is to gain as many distinctions as possible and to ensure that no one fails Grade 12 because the province, district, circuit, school, and teachers cannot afford this type of embarrassment, then obviously the focus needs to be on the cream of the crop. As if this isn't ambiguous enough, extrinsic motivation is thrown into the arena for competitive value and the best Grade 12 teacher and student in a specific learning area in a circuit/district/province are awarded an incentive. In all the years of teaching Grade 12, I only received one certificate to congratulate me for my “outstanding results”. This certificate is supposed to make me feel proud of my "hard work". This is how we measure success.  

For three years, I worked zealously to help a group of learners from Grade 10 to Grade 12 to achieve their best and even those who were weak were given attention. My focus was definitely not on the top performers. Did the incentive make me keen to work even harder? I never stopped working hard, so how could I start working harder for the next group of students. I was doing what I do to the best of my ability because that’s who I am. The fact that I don't get recognition for my hard work every year doesn't make or break me. 

I’m back in Grade 10, picking up where I started three years ago, working hard for the results at the end of 2021. It's my third cycle of doing this. My first group was from 2013 to 2015; my second group was from 2016 to 2018. It doesn't get easier. 

Those who sink won’t be there. Suffice to say, I won’t be leaving any soldiers behind. Any one of these students who fail Grade 10 or 11 will be because of another subject or two. I’ve never had a fail (touch wood) and I work hard to make every learner understand our purpose. My mantra remains: Do good! Do good! Do good! 

Reality check: Even under the best circumstances, being purpose-driven is not easy when working in a system that doesn’t work for you. I don't have to be in the classroom, but I want to be there. I want to teach. The students don't want to be in the classroom, but they have to be there. 

To answer the question, ‘Is this the way forward?’, I say no! After all is said and done, and after every incentive has been handed out, the country is not better off. The percentage of “capable” students that matriculate is few. The masses in which we show little interest are “incapable” of contributing effectively to society. Since education remains the backbone of society, why are we struggling? Why aren’t we working to educate our next generation more effectively?

Why are high school students so miserable about being educated? 
  • Choice: Teenagers have no say in what and how they learn.
If we give teenagers the freedom to choose what they learn and how they learn, will they be motivated to learn? At school, students have little or no say in what and how they learn. Obviously, there are schools that are different and offer choices, but have you seen the school fees?

In the average school, teachers find that they have to exert themselves to motivate the students to do what they don’t want to do in an environment where they don’t want to be. Teachers compliment, encourage and hand out incentives to a small percentage of students who are motivated to learn. The rest of the students are forced to be at school and they are punished when they resist or rebel against the system. They are imprisoned for twelve years and spend too much time feeling worthless and unhappy. After matric, we send them off into the world confused, scared, and frustrated. The school loses a negative mindset, and society gains it.

Our mistake: We never taught our children from a young age to want to learn. We can’t force-feed a child and believe he/she will be happy, can we?
  • Effort: Teenagers need to expend effort to learn.
Learning is not easy. How many teenagers do you know who are motivated to expend cognitive effort to succeed academically? How many teenagers are motivated to expend more mental effort in the classroom and employ strategies that they believe will help them to learn?

Let me quickly define what learning in the classroom means. Learning means that the student is capable of:
    • setting goals;  
    • planning, organizing, and rehearsing information;
    • monitoring his/her level of understanding; and
    • relating new knowledge to what he/she already knows.
A capable student will feel that his/her efforts are useful in a learning situation. Skill will improve and as skill improves, effort expended to perform better will decrease. There won’t be the need to study as hard or lose valuable time attending extra classes. The reality is that only a few are “capable of learning” in the classroom.

Our mistake: We never taught our children that learning requires effort. Since many parents and teachers deem it necessary and easier to jump in to help a child go through life as effortlessly as possible, it’s no wonder that high school teachers are expected to be entertainers in a classroom filled with bored students who lack goals and skills. “Ugh, just do it for us/give it us/ leave it for tomorrow and let us go home!”
  • Grit: Teenagers need the grit to learn.
Grit means to persevere and to be resilient. The time spent on a task or problem proves whether a teen is motivated to learn. A motivated student will always persist. Very few teachers and students enjoy facing problems, obstacles, or challenges. While many teachers persist, the majority of students give in too easily. The minute the work becomes difficult, the courage to persist fails them. 

Everything in life takes time to develop. Learning is a lifelong process. Success doesn’t occur magically and failure isn’t a sin. In fact, through our own experiences in life, we discover that failure is a learning opportunity. In every situation, in every experience, we always learn something – even through making the wrong choices or failing to achieve something, we learn. Persistence is limited because of the lack of skills. 

Our mistake: We never taught our children to focus on and take responsibility for their problems or setbacks. We never taught them to expend effort and persist to succeed. Instead, we teach our children to sit back and wait for someone else to step in and do what they can’t do for themselves.

Every child has a natural potential for learning, curiosity about life and the world they live in, and an eagerness to learn. If we can tap their intrinsic motivation, instead of dampening it, and teach them from a very young age what the value of learning is, we will have students who accept responsibility for their own learning and provide society with a more knowledgeable and better-skilled citizen.

Friday, 10 August 2018

My last motivational speech for Grade 12, 2018


God has equipped you with everything that you need to fulfil your life purpose. Whatever you’re looking for out there is already what you have. It’s within you.

Your power is within you.

Your continuous search for whatever it is that you think you need is making you run.  If you continue to look out there for the things you already have within you, you will be running for the rest of your life. Running 24/7 is exhausting. One day, when you look back at everything you have worked so hard to accomplish, you will see that it was all so meaningless; you were chasing the wind and there was nothing really worthwhile anywhere (Ecclesiastes 2:11).

So many times you’ve wanted freedom; you’ve wanted love; you’ve wanted happiness; you've wanted more time; and so you’ve been running.

Freedom:
Do you really want to be free? You can be free. All you have to do is control your life, which is not all that simple; but, if you commit to it and use the power within you, you can control your life. 

To be free, you need to build a wall around yourself and protect yourself from every influence that comes your way. To be free, you need to value your opinion only. To be free, you need to make yourself the highest authority in your life, where you are always right and everyone else is always wrong – this includes having authority above God. If you can do this, you will be free, but if you can’t … then you will spend the rest of your life serving. This isn’t such a bad thing. More blessings come from giving than from receiving (Acts 20:35).


Choose today what it is that you want. Do you want to be free or do you want to serve? If you choose to serve, you choose to do good; you choose to do good now; and you choose to do good to the people who are with you now. You give back to society. You give goodness to society. That is all.

Love:
You can’t find love out there. You are love. If you acknowledge love and learn to love who you are, you will radiate love from within. You can’t look for something out there if it’s within you. When you walk up to a mirror and look at yourself, accept yourself, and love who you are, you will be able to love the people around you. You can’t love another person if you don’t love yourself. Charity begins at home. 

Happiness:
There are two things that every person wants in life: happiness and time. These are two things that you can control. 

  • Happiness: Control starts in your heart, with your emotions. Your emotions create your thoughts. Since happiness is an emotion, you can control it. To do this, you need to live in a state of gratitude. You need to live in a state of not always wanting more because the more you have, the more you want. With excess there’s responsibility. With responsibility there’s fear. With fear, there’s always anxiety and stress. You will never have a minute of peace. Whatever God has given you is enough for you. You don’t need more and you certainly don’t need less. You can’t live your life looking at what others have. Look inside you and learn to make peace with what you have because IT IS ENOUGH. It is enough for you. Not everyone is meant to climb Mount Everest. Not everyone is meant to govern a country. Not everyone is meant to own a yacht. Imagine if everyone did … if we were all the same ...
  • Time: You hear people saying that they’re busy, but are they? You hear people saying that they don’t have enough time, but don’t they? Everyone has the same amount of time every day. There is no such thing as being “busy”. Most people use this word to avoid someone or something (like responsibility) and to procrastinate. You can't always control time, but that doesn't mean you're powerless. A person who learns to plan ahead is a person who knows how to control his time. Unless it’s an emergency, nothing should happen during your day other than what you have planned. Anything outside of your plans can be organised into another day’s schedule.

Stop living in expectancy. Stop waiting for people to contact you. Stop waiting for people to thank you. Stop waiting for people to respect you, love you, help you, praise you … serve you. Stop waiting for your “ship to come in”. Focus on the here and now: Do good. Do good now. Do good to the people who are with you now. Plan your time: there’s a time for everything, a time to work, and a time to rest. When it’s your time to work, work hard. Work well. Work with joy in your heart. If there’s no joy, you’re doing the wrong type of work. It should never be about the money, but about what you’re able to do; what you’re able to create; and what you’re able to put out there back into the world not only for yourself but also for others. It should be about the legacy you leave.

When things go wrong, make every challenge that causes you pain a learning experience. Life is what it is: an educational institution where you’re always learning, growing, and changing. Where there’s learning, growth, and change, there’s hope.

Walk in faith. The amount of energy that you put out into this world will eventually return to you, but don’t wait for it. You only have this one opportunity to live your life to the full. Make the most of it.


Living with the Decision

We make countless decisions every day, often without even realising it. Even the ones we make consciously don’t always come with clarity. Th...