The power lies within us

It’s almost time for the new school year to begin, and soon teachers and children will be returning to the classrooms. A greater percentage does not want to be there. Just the word ‘school’ connotes despondency. Many children want their freedom. They don’t want to be educated. For them, reading, writing, learning, and doing anything academic serves as punishment. Many teachers don’t want to prepare, teach, assess, etc. This is obvious when we hear them complain about the declining standard of work, behaviour, professionalism, parental interest, and the education system.

The purpose of sending children to school is to prepare them for society. Everyone who finishes school, college, or university will eventually find a job and pay tax. By educating the nation, the country will obviously be successful. Revenues paid to the government will see to it that the country’s infrastructure is maintained and advanced (i.e. roads, bridges, railway lines, buildings, salaries for government employees, social benefits – including the welfare system – medical benefits, international commerce deals, etc.). Taxes are also used to redistribute wealth from the rich to the poor (that is why those who are better qualified and remunerated pay more in taxes). It’s not just about paying taxes. It’s also about service. People who are required to do a specific job will be able to do the job more effectively and efficiently if they are better educated. In South Africa, the pass rate is 30%, which is detrimental to the future of the country. Education determines the workforce of a country. Instead of bringing the pass rate down, we should be encouraging a better quality of teaching and learning. We should also encourage better qualifications (doctoral or master’s degree) and remuneration for teachers, who are responsible for educating the nation.  

The biggest problem with teachers and children (and many people in general) is that very few of them want to be effective. Very few of them want to ‘work’ for a living. Very few know what their passion is and very few do what they are passionate about. This leads to dissatisfaction and a legacy of negativity.

When we have the power we are able to work towards doing what we are passionate about. In order to have power, we need knowledge and perception. Knowledge brings awareness and gives us power. The more we know, the more we can do. That is why learning is so important. All of life is a learning experience. Learning is not only done at school. It is done at home, in church, in a shopping center… it is done everywhere. Perception also brings awareness. It is the key to finding solutions to our problems. Once we understand a problem, it will dissolve. When we have knowledge and perception, we have awareness.

Awareness gives us a choice. We can either control people/situations or allow the people/situations to control us. Without knowledge and perception, we have no control. We will not be able to understand how things work and we will not know what is happening in life. We will not be able to make effective and conscious choices. Being aware leads us towards making changes. We will understand what needs to be changed and what the reasons are for making these changes.

Very few people have power. They have the opposite, which is fear. Power comes from within us. Inner power is what we believe. Because people influence our beliefs, parents, and teachers have a great responsibility to help children to believe in themselves. Fear comes from outside of us. Different factors, people, and circumstances feed our fears. If we believe we have no power over something, like a subject, e.g. Mathematics, we will become afraid of it. We will start doubting our abilities and the outcome can only be a failure. Our belief is based on awareness or ignorance. We either know or we don’t know. The problem is we are quick to give up because we aren’t willing to improve. We aren’t willing to put in the effort to grow or develop. We believe we are stupid and will never be able to do what we fear, and then failure becomes a habit. The truth is that IQ can improve with hard work.   

Too many people (including teachers, parents, and children) prefer ignorance. They avoid self-improvement and self-empowerment. Many teachers, for example, study to become educators between the ages of 19 and 22. They then teach with that qualification for the rest of their lives. They do not study further at any other time in their career and eventually end up in a rut and cannot teach effectively.

Parents are just as guilty. Many believe that the school and church are responsible for educating their children. Many parents, especially those who lack good educational qualifications, do not inspire their children to learn. They have absolutely no involvement in their children’s school careers. These are the parents who are quick to criticize the teachers and education system.

Learning starts in the womb. It is a life experience. We never stop learning. If ever we want our children to be successful, we need to encourage hard work and learning. We also need to focus on value-based education so that children, teachers, and parents will stop focusing on academic results and look at the child as a person who is being prepared for society. We need so much more to survive in the real world than an average of 90% grades on our school report, and so, we need to focus on preparing children to meet the challenges that they may face in life and in their academic careers. By doing this, we will be developing adults with healthy relationships, positive social behaviours, social and emotional development, resilience, the ability to adapt, and the ability to allow change.

We tend to dislike personal discomfort and personal suffering, and we also dislike seeing so much suffering in the world. We want to make a difference, but often feel that we have no power to do so. Yet, even the smallest contribution can make a difference if we are willing to try. We are responsible for our lives, our education, and our future. If we start by looking at the world and ourselves in a different light (a positive light, a powerful light), we will grow in our belief that we have the power to change for the better and make a difference. Then, with that power, we can help and empower others to change for the better. The power lies within us!

Engulfed by sadness

Sometimes, suddenly, without reason, we find ourselves engulfed by sadness. 

We continue with our daily tasks, pretending to be okay, but the intensity of our feelings remains with us throughout the day. They are fragments of unfinished experiences. They return to remind us that we have suffered and that we have difficulty in letting go. Many will say, "Let go and there will be healing!" Yet, we hold on! We hold on because they are our experiences. We are even more possessive over those specific experiences that have caused us so much pain. 

Who can understand what we have been through? God knows!

Does this mean that we have no faith because we are sad? No. It only means that we are human.

While we hide our hurt and choke in secrecy on all the pain, we are indeed moving forward. (Where else can we go other than forward?) But we don't move forward in isolation. There is a myriad of angels and people who continually do things, often small and seemingly insignificant things, that carry us through the darker days. And so, there is always hope. There is always light. There is always some form of motivation to carry on ...

Remember: A wave of sadness is not the same as being depressed.

I own the moment!

“Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it.” ~Oprah Winfrey

Yes! I own the moment! 

This is how I feel now. The results are in and I have passed all my subjects of my Bachelor of Education Honours degree for Teaching and Learning. Believe me, this feeling is extremely good! 

Needless to say, this is not how I felt in October 2013 when I started this long journey to self-discovery. 

It was on this specific journey where I discovered how I felt about accumulating knowledge. I discovered that under pressure, I could stretch my levels of endurance to new boundaries. I also discovered that studying again for the first time in 26 years was a daunting task. Life around me continued normally and it was expected of me to be normal and stay the same.

Nothing stayed the same.

Relationships became tentered like milled cloth on a wooden frame. Time was personified in all my experiences, inflicting pressure for me to perform at my best as a wife, mother, daughter, teacher, friend, colleague ... Even my emotions were shape-shifting into different creatures inside me. I was constantly dueling for dominance trying to triumph over every single one of them: fear, anger, self-pity, jealousy, hatred, joy (the list goes on). Yes, even the positive emotions at times seemed to be my worst adversaries.

The most important thing that I learned on this journey is that I have changed. My perspectives have changed. I see life and teaching and education differently now.

Here, at last, I stand with the Bachelor of Education Honours degree for Teaching and Learning. It was a three-year course that I completed in two years, not by choice; I was never informed that I could complete it in three years. Nevertheless, it's done. 

I own the moment!

The saying that we reap what we sow is true. Hard work and commitment do pay off. But, to be fair, in the future, if I have to choose between writing a novel and studying for a degree, I will choose writing a novel. 

Let that be the next challenge!

Let your light shine

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven" (Matthew 5:16).

Let your light shine!

This is what many of us were taught by our parents and teachers. At Sunday school, many of us had the opportunity to sing the song:

This little light of mine,

I'm gonna let it shine ...

Let it shine,

Let it shine,

Let it shine.

As 2015, the International Year of Light, draws to an end, we may find - in full retrospect of the year - that we didn't "shine" as much as we initially wanted to. Then again, maybe we did. Maybe we excelled in doing so. Whatever the case may be, whether we're living the annual theme or striving to "shine" as Christians, it's not about what we did or how we did it. It's more about how much we grew in process. It's all about improvement.

I found this picture and just loved the message. 

Everything has a crack in it. That's how the light gets in.

Had we been perfect, there would be no cracks. And that's just it. We're not perfect. Our imperfection has made us weak. Our minds are filled with ego, fear and desire. In this state, we need His light for strength to carry on with purpose.

We don't have to be perfect to walk in His light.

It's a choice really! We choose to shine and we choose to allow His light in. It's all about moving forward and becoming better (change, growth, development)!

Everything is transfixed, only the light moves. ~ Leonora Carrington

The power of words!

The world is filled with all kinds of people. Let’s place them in three categories: optimistic, pessimistic and realistic. It’s not that difficult to determine in which category you are. Optimists see a glass half full and pessimists see it half empty. The realist drinks it. That’s me, but only if I’m responsible for pouring and leaving the water in the glass. There’s absolutely no way that I’m drinking a random glass of “water”.

Yes, I’m a realist. I have the easy task in life to see things the way they really are. My greatest challenge in life is to see things as I would like them to be. I don’t like anything that is vague, so I can’t dream of a future. To me, the future is empty and serves absolutely no purpose until I get there. My best endeavour is to plan ahead and make sure that I’m prepared for the future, but that’s it. I leave it untouched!

The past is a different story. I hold on to it because it bears knowledge. I know where I’ve been and I know what I’ve done. I know what I’ve experienced. I have enough memories to cherish and that’s okay because I don’t obsess over them. What’s done is done! There’s no use in going back in mental pursuit of happiness, peace or answers. I see everything done as stepping stones of learning experiences. I have developed and I have survived to the present day.

The present is probably the most disturbing phase of my life. I don’t want to wait for tomorrow to have my every day questions answered. I want to control certain things and find solutions now. While I prefer to think of it as my “planning” and “preparing” phases for what needs to be done in the future, other people may call it “fear for the unknown”, “unnecessary worrying” or “impatience”. The thing about being like this tends to rob me of present-day peace. I’m always contemplating solutions rather than enjoying the here and now.

My compass through life has always been my natural instinct or my senses. They have always directed and guided me along the way. If something didn’t feel right, I avoided it. Whenever I stumbled over too many obstacles to achieve something only to fail gaining whatever it was I was seeking, I would accept that “it just wasn’t meant to be”. On the other hand, if things were sailing smoothly towards a resolution, it would be obvious that “it was meant to be”. Yes! These are life signs to me. I believe in these signs. Relying on instinct and my senses can be rather precarious, though, because I tend to be sensitive. Often, I interpret things inaccurately because I allow my emotions to control my better judgement.

I’ve always been able to find a sense of calmness through my passion for writing. I love words and beautiful sentences, reading motivational and inspirational quotations, and poems! I simply love Dr. Seuss and I spent most of my teen years reading the beautiful poems of Helen Steiner-Rice. I still remember wanting to write just like her.

Words have the power to make a difference. Over the years, I’ve discovered many nuggets of wisdom hidden in the pages of stories that were written by extraordinary people. Today I’ve decided to write down and share with you 50 of the best sentences I’ve ever read. These chosen lines inspired me at some point in my life. When I first read them, they were moments of epiphany because the very words touched me and made a difference to how I perceived things at that time. These words are from books that I’ve had the pleasure of reading. I used to keep a diary every year since 1980 and wrote all the beautiful sentences down so that I would always remember them.

I hope you enjoy these quotes as much as I did when I first read them. You may even find me reflected in each one.

50. Opportunities

Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet. — L. M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables.

49. Goodness

Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart. ― Anne Frank, The Diary Of Anne Frank.

48. Laziness

There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves. ― Jane Austen, Emma.

47. Procrastination

My advice is, never do tomorrow what you can do today. Procrastination is the thief of time. ― Charles Dickens, David Copperfield.

46. Loyalty

For me you are only a little boy just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you have no need of me, either. For you, I’m only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, we’ll need each other. You’ll be the only boy in the world for me and I’ll be the only fox in the world for you. — Antoine De Saint Exupery, The Little Prince.

45. Waiting

Each moment that I wait feels like a year, an eternity. Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Through each moment I can see infinite moments line up, waiting. ― Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler's Wife.

44. Love

But love is this really powerful thing that everyone's got if they'd just learn how to accept it ... If it's something we all have to give, and if it's something we all want, doesn't that mean there's exactly enough to go around? ― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe.

43. Perfection

If you look for perfection, you'll never be content. ― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina.

42. Sadness

Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. ― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations.

41. Bewilderment

I'll be all right in a minute. I'm just bewildered – by life ... ― Tennessee Williams, The Glass Menagerie.

40. Loneliness

Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you’ll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way. – Janet Fitch, White Oleander.

39. Memories

We can never go back again, that much is certain. The past is still close to us. The things we have tried to forget and put behind us would stir again, and that sense of fear, of furtive unrest, struggling at length to blind unreasoning panic – now mercifully stilled, thank God – might in some manner unforeseen become a living companion as it had before. ― Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca.

38. Pessimism

Men who look on nature, and their fellow-men, and cry that all is dark and gloomy, are in the right; but the sombre colours are reflections from their own jaundiced eyes and hearts. ― Charles Dickens, Oliver Twist.

37. Desire

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserve and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists ... it is real ... it is possible ... it's yours. ― Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged.

36. Heartbreak

The broken heart. You think you will die, but you just keep living day after day after terrible day. ― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations.

35. Experiences

Something did happen to me somewhere that robbed me of confidence and courage and left me with a fear of discovery and change and a positive dread of everything unknown that may occur. ― Joseph Heller, Something Happened.

34. Planning

The future becomes the present, the present the past, and the past turns into everlasting regret if you don't plan for it! ― Tennessee Williams, The Glass Menagerie.

33. Work

I don't like work – no man does – but I like what is in the work – the chance to find yourself. Your own reality – for yourself not for others – what no other man can ever know. They can only see the mere show, and never can tell what it really means. ― Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness.

32. Life

Live all you can; it’s a mistake not to. It doesn’t so much matter what you do in particular, so long as you have your life. — Henry James, The Ambassadors.

31. Difficulties

You're trying to escape from your difficulties, and there never is any escape from difficulties, never. They have to be faced and fought. — Enid Blyton, Six Cousins at Mistletoe Farm.

30. Ambition

Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living. — Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close.

29. Reality

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality. — Lewis Caroll, Alice in Wonderland.

28. Optimism

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars. ― Jack Kerouac, On The Road.

27. Departure

It is so hard to leave – until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world. ― John Green, Paper Towns.

26. Possessions

For what are your possessions, but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow? ― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet.

25. Acceptance

Love covers a multitude of sins … ― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women.

24. Simplicity

Let your boat of life be light, packed with only what you need – a homely home and simple pleasures, one or two friends, worth the name, someone to love and someone to love you, a cat, a dog, and a pipe or two, enough to eat and enough to wear, and a little more than enough to drink; for thirst is a dangerous thing.― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men in a Boat.

23. Friendships

Friendships, even the best of them, are frail things. One drifts apart. ― Virginia Woolf, To the Lighthouse.

22. Truths

Unwelcome truths are not popular. ― Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, The Valley of Fear.

21. Excitement

I like it when somebody gets excited about something. It's nice. ― J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye.

20. Suffering

I believe there is a theory that men and women emerge finer and stronger after suffering, and that to advance in this or any world we must endure ordeal by fire. ― Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca.

19. Change

‎I knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then … — Lewis Caroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.

18. Clarity

I like breakfast-time better than any other moment in the day … No dust has settled on one's mind then, and it presents a clear mirror to the rays of things. — George Eliot, Adam Bede.

17. Religion

There is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast it is all a sham. — Anna Sewell, Black Beauty.

16. Living

Just breathing isn't living! — Eleanor H. Porter, Pollyanna.

15. Power

The mind of man is capable of anything. ― Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness.

14. Fear

You wouldn’t be normal if you were never afraid. Even the bravest men experience fear. One of the biggest jobs we all face in combat is to overcome fear. ― Joseph Heller, Catch-22.

13. Peace

'If you love me as you say you do,' she whispered, 'make it so that I am at peace.' ― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina.

12. Instinct

Remember, everything is right until it's wrong. You'll know when it's wrong. 

― Ernest Hemingway, The Garden of Eden.

11. Thinking

Everything seems simple until you think about it. ― Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler's Wife.

10. Ego

… you can’t get away from yourself. You can’t decide not to see yourself anymore. You can’t decide to turn off the noise in your head. — Jay Asher, Thirteen Reasons Why.

9. Hope

I always think incipient miracles surround us, waiting only to see if our faith is strong enough. We won't have to understand it; it will just work, like a beating heart, like love. Really, no matter how frightened and discouraged I may become about the future, I look forward to it. In spite of everything I see all around me every day, I have a shaky assurance that everything will turn out fine. I don't think I'm the only one. Why else would the phrase "everything's all right" ease a deep and troubled place in so many of us? We just don't know, we never know so much, yet we have such faith. We hold our hands over our hurts and lean forward, full of yearning and forgiveness. It is how we keep on, this kind of hope. ― Elizabeth Berg, Talk Before Sleep.

8. Parting

It's hard being left behind. ... It's hard to be the one who stays. ― Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler's Wife.

7. Honesty

And that's the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too. … There is only one sin and that is theft ... when you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth. ― Khaled Hosseini,  The Kite Runner.

6. Thoughts

Human minds are more full of mysteries than any written book and more changeable than the cloud shapes in the air. ― Louisa May Alcott, The Abbot's Ghost: A Christmas Story.

5. Vulnerability

… there is all this time between when the cracks start to open up and when we finally fall apart. And it’s only that time that we see one another, because we see out of ourselves through our cracks and into others through theirs. When did we see each other face to face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade, but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in. The light can get out. ― John Green, Paper Towns.

4. Happiness

Happiness is not a possession to be prized; it is a quality of thought, a state of mind. ― Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca.

3. Beauty

The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched; they are felt with the heart. — Antoine De Saint Exupery, The Little Prince.

2. Emptiness

Trees are poems the earth writes upon the sky. We fell them down and turn them into paper that we may record our emptiness. ― Kahlil Gibran, Sand and Foam. 

1. Influence

One must be careful of books, and what is inside them, for words have the power to change us. — Cassandra Clare, The Infernal Devices.

This is a list of some of the books that I have read. Each book contains beautiful messages that have made a difference in my life. My personal choice of a book rich in wisdom is The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. A book that really intrigued me and kept me wondering for years was The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint Exupery. Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet and Daphne Du Maurier’s Rebecca are also all time favourites.

We all have our own perspectives and interpretations. “Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.” ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars. The art is to value diversity in taste rather than conformity and to share our experiences with people who also love to read.

At a crossroad ...

For the past two years, I have thrown myself into a pool of information. Every part of the journey to become an effective teacher has been insightful and educational. 

When I reflect on the journey, I realise just how much I have changed, and learnt and grown from the experience. Having come this far, I know that I can make a difference in my classroom and at the school where I teach. Sadly, I have exhausted myself in the process. There have been times where I have reached levels of mental satiety and I just couldn’t carry on. It made me reflect on my life as a teacher.

My life as a teacher has been one of great dedication. At every school I have ever taught, I sacrificed all my energy to be committed in my endeavours for the children. In November, I will be finalising this educational journey. I will be completing my last two exams and my research assignment, and then I will receive my Bachelor of Education (B.Ed) Honours degree in Teaching and Learning. So far I have passed five of the eight completed modules with distinction. I gave my best and I have achieved what I set out to do. 

As October approaches, I consider how I have spent my years in self-sacrificial workaholism. I’m turning 50 this year and more than ever the question lingers: Is this really what I plan to do for the next fifteen years until retirement? 

Surely there is more to life than working myself into a stupor? There’s joy and satisfaction in what I do, but at the expense of my family and my health. I’ve never travelled anywhere and holidays away from home are a luxury I cannot afford. So, I spend the school holidays preparing for the next term. Do I rest? No. Does it matter? It never did. 

Suddenly I find myself contemplating all the adventures of life on which I am missing out. I’m at a crossroad. 

Where to from here?