Saturday 3 January 2015

My daughter

My daughter was born in Lichtenburg (North West) on the 28th of May, 1992. Her name is Jana Steyn. She is my eldest child and I am so proud of her. She is currently studying her LLB degree through UNISA and works as a candidate attorney at an attorney's office in town, which means she's still living at home. She is my friend, a confidante and anchor in my life.

I remember talking, and reading and singing to Jana whilst being pregnant. When she was born, I used to sing and dance her to sleep. Yes, dance. I would lay her down on a pillow and dance with her in my arms until she was fast asleep. I had very little choice because she was extremely curious and sleeping was the last thing on her mind. But she loved music and she loved it when we danced. Throughout her life, I did everything in my power to broaden her horizons and encourage a diversity of interests. Today I am proud to say, her versatile personality and intelligence has turned her into an extremely interesting person. She remains curious, has a wonderful sense of humour and has a wide range of diverse friends, from Evert Coetzee, a lecturer at the University of Pretoria (one of the most intelligent men I know), to Valerie Linford, a creative young woman.

Since the year that she finished her school career, I have discovered so many new facets of her personality. To be honest, it's a kaleidoscope of personalities in one. Sometimes her personalities contradict one another, but strangely enough they still work together.

A lot of people don’t understand Jana. So, I've decided to write down a few handy tips for those who have and will befriend her:

  1. Jana gets bored and irritated easily. Talk to her without hesitation and talk to her about a variety of stuff. She loves people who are positive. Don’t nag or moan or repeat.
  2. She’s independent and doesn’t like being confined in company or places. The saying: If you love something, set it free …”. That’s Jana. Don't become obsessive or clingy.
  3. Be honest. She can detect lies, schemes, false appearances – any form of deceit – very quickly. And then you’ve lost her. 
  4. She has a fine eye for detail and likes art and "weirdness" (movies, books, fashion, etc.) She doesn’t like monotony or routine. Expect impulsiveness from her!
  5. She’s quiet, but once she gets to know you and places her trust in you, she will talk your head off. She has many ideas and dreams and will often ask you for some advice. If it’s all blah-blah-blah to you, don’t bother to stick around. You really need to be interested in what she’s talking about otherwise you’ll just end up being frustrated. So stay and listen, or leave. 
  6. When you do stay to listen, be a good listener. She hates self-centered people who only talk about themselves (and NO she isn’t one of them). If you don’t make eye contact and she senses you’re not listening to her, she will lose interest in you. 
  7. Trust, as I’ve said, is important to her. She will not jump into a relationship if she doesn’t trust you (any relationship, e.g. friendship). 
  8. She loves to eat. Food is the key to her heart! 
  9. Don’t ever give her choices. She cannot make decisions because all options to her are opportunities. If you force her to decide, she will be very unhappy. For example: “Should we eat out at Spur or Ocean Basket?” That’s wrong! Just say, “We’re going to Ocean Basket!” Of course, because it’s food, her mind will go off on a tangent and she’ll start thinking of all the other options. Let her speak her mind. But stop in front of Ocean Basket and go with the “Oops! My bad!” approach. She’ll get over it once she sees the menu. 
  10. Take a photo. She loves visual aids. But don’t take one without her permission. She’s very private. If she sees you as a paparazzi stalker, she’ll ban you for life. 
  11. You must always impress her intelligence or sense of humour. You don’t have to be intelligent, just versatile and funny. 
  12. If you sense things are going wrong, give her food or make her laugh. That should terminate a lot of tension. If you can’t make her laugh, then it’s better to leave her alone. 
  13. She changes like the wind. Be prepared for her versatility. Then she likes it and then she doesn’t. Build a bridge and move on. 
  14. In relationships, she is very loyal. She’ll stick by your side through thick and thin. Until you judge her … Jana doesn’t judge people and is fair-minded. She believes everyone has rights (no wonder she’s studying LAW) and feelings, and deserves a place on earth. 
  15. She LOVES cats. So if you don’t, move along!
  16. She also loves Ellen DeGeneres. 
Jana is my one and only precious daughter. I love her so much and I’m so grateful that she is a part of my life. My wish for her is a life filled with rich blessings. 




Sunday 23 November 2014

Classifying a year: good or bad

At the start of the year, I experienced this feeling of negativity and even said that 2014 is one of my worst years ever. 

I dragged this sentiment with me over the months and believed it would remain a bad year until December 31. I was constantly negative, tired, worried, insecure, ill, and depressed.  I had to delve very deep to find the motivation and courage to continue ‘surviving’ the onslaught of badness every day.

As the year is now coming to an end, I am filled with anticipation and optimism. Suddenly things are changing. I can already feel goodness approaching and I honestly believe 2015 is going to be a much better year.

Is all of this true? Has 2014 really been such a bad year? Will 2015 be a good year? In changing my attitude, I discovered that bad and good years do not exist. Time is indiscriminate. It doesn’t dole out bad and good moments. Time is time. 

My attitude classifies the year. I take upon myself many responsibilities as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a teacher, a colleague, and a Christian. My perspective regarding my actions for these responsibilities determines my attitude towards life.

Classifying a whole year as bad or good is limited. My needs and my wants differ from other people’s needs and wants. If circumstances prevent me from getting what I need or want, obviously my view will be negative. On the contrary, if I get exactly what I need or want, I will feel positive (even lucky, for that matter).

Being more flexible and positive will help me see life without classification. I can’t always have good times and I can’t always experience a smooth journey through life. Everything in life is impermanent and nothing stays the same. Some may think that if we care less, we will be less worried about life. That may be true, but I don’t want to go through life in neutral mode. Everything in life is interdependent. That means I need to care. 

If I want to be happy, I need to learn how to control my life on a daily basis. I shouldn’t look at happiness in years, but rather in hours. This means I have to focus on my needs and wants.  I know more or less what I need in life, but I don’t always know what it is that I want. I can see my actions and I can determine my feelings. My needs can be addressed. If I am thirsty, I can drink water. If I am tired, I can sleep. My wants are different though! They’re never constant and change very quickly. 

Life in itself is precious. I want to put more effort into being grateful.  I want to fight negativity and be more positive during the new year. And, should there be any bumps along the way, I want to be able to live through challenging moments without condemning the whole year.

Saturday 25 October 2014

i hear africa

This is another poem about Africa that will be in my poetry book, Breathing African Air. 

i hear africa 

the hoopoe calls hoop-hoop
hoop-hoop-hoop on forest
tree trunk, where high-pitched grey
hornbill ignores the kwe
of a grey go-away;
cicada swarms where sun
light warms and plays tymbals;
zizzing a song, crickets
chirping cheerily all
summer long; the turtle
dove mourns the heat and coos
its love song to the breeze;
green garden gnat and red
dotted ladybird, mute
marvels of the insect
world, wing their way from tree
to tree; in dappled shade
of green and yellow grass
hides mounds of red ground where
thousands of termites work;
the anteater’s long snout
goes about to forage
for the delicacy
of the veld; the whinny
and braying bark of a
zebra standing near, while
blue wildebeest ga-noo
in the arid karoo
and graze in the heat haze;
for days the lazy cat,
camouflaged, yawns and waits
for feline fury to
fetch the food and thunders
out a roar to warn the
cackling hyenas, and
hears their manic panic:
ooooh-whoop ooooh-whoop ooooh-whoop,
waiting in pack nearby;
the sun soon sets in shades
on africa and an
elephant bull trumpets
his call to a herd who
hears the rumble and chirps
to the rhythm of the
beat; the hippo, submerged,
surfaces and grunts on
land to roam on sand where
a crocodile once tanned
in the sun; the flutter
of feathers dust the ground
and the owl’s hoo-hooopooo
breaks the silence of dark;
a distant lone jackal
howls to the moon, and my
africa says goodnight

Breathing African Air

This is one of my poems about Africa. It is also the name of the poetry book I plan to publish.

Breathing African Air

Flightless dust bathes the air as the ostrich
dances on two-toed feet to Africa’s beat;
Musty air hangs humid and motionless
’til rain quenches the parched and red-hot heat –
This is Africa: the birthplace of man.

A rainbow stretches across basalt cliffs
and cascading falls; painted rock faces
imprint chronicles of man migrating
across desert, savannah, terraces –
This is Africa: the motion of man.

Small streams meander till rapids beat rock;
Turbulent whitewater erodes the way,
rumbling and tumbling to lose themselves in
cascading cataracts’ mist of spray –
This is Africa: unquenched quest of man.

On blue-green savannah in haze of heat
the springbok stands a statue and gazes;
Zebra camouflaged in shaded dry bush
flicks flies as robust buffalo grazes –
This is Africa: the treasure of man.

Marula mampoer makes monkey mellow;
While elephants forage fermented fruit,
even-toed giraffe spreads and almost splits,
an amazing feat for legs, to lap near coot –
This is Africa: for Safari man.

The albatross dynamically soars;
Nose tubed in anticipation it breathes
salt laden air, polluted like the depths,
where dolphin dances and dives, wrestles, wreathes –
This is Africa: the refuse for man.

Death in rotting carcasses call raptors
in their hordes, to scavenge the battlefields
where fear falls prey to foe; the hyena
eats as a volt of vultures pry for yields –
This is Africa, the wake waits for man.


Coping with the Demons Inside


Rock bottom! There is nothing like it.

When you are deep in the pits of despair and nothing can pull you out of it, don’t worry! From experience, I have learnt that repetition is the Mother of Learning. So, when you are there at rock bottom, lie down, close your eyes and repeat the following words over and over again: I hate my life! I hate my life! I hate my life! I hate my life! Don’t get up. Stay down! Dwell on the very thought that you hate your life. As negative as this may seem, this is the beginning of the journey on the road to recovery. Recovery simply means getting out of the dark pit, fighting the demons inside your head and cleaving to the inner hope that you instinctively have.

The most amazing thing about human life is that your brain has been programmed with three incredible truths:  
  • Your mind does not acknowledge age. Even at 50, your mind will feel young.  
  • Your mind was not created to acknowledge death. Even though you age, your mind does not comprehend death and, therefore, inherently, you do not accept that you will die.  
  • Your mind repels negativity. Repeating negative words mentally empowers your mind to employ survival strategies. 
There are two very powerful emotions that can influence you in a destructive way: absolute anger or absolute fear.

Anger

Anger is a very dangerous emotion. Anger retaliates in spitefulness. You may be filled with so much anger that all you want to do is spite the world. Your actions are proof of this. While you cannot plan your emotions, you can learn to control them. In life you will always be confronted with situations that seem unmanageable and more often than not, your reactions to these situations are impulsive.

There are different types of anger. Different emotions trigger the types of anger. Short outbursts of frustration or anger are good. No-one wants to bottle up their anger. This will only feed negativity. A fit of rage is more extreme. You will find yourself shouting whilst physically breaking, punching or kicking things. Violent reactions like these are coping-mechanisms, but very damaging. The damage will not only affect your own health, but also your relationships with other people.

The most dangerous anger is suppressed anger. Over time it poisons you completely: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When you don’t allow yourself to vent your anger or express your frustration, you become a living time bomb. When anger is a resident emotion, it feeds depression and anxiety. Eventually it will lead to self-destructive thoughts and deeds. 

The most important thing to remember about anger is that it is an emotion and it can be controlled. There are three words that you may need to reflect on to understand how you can control anger: forgiveness, gratitude and compassion.

Fear

Like anger, fear is a demon within you that you need to control. Fear is the opposite of faith. The truth is that when you fear, you have very little or no faith. Fear feeds anxiety and anxiety kills.

When you have low self-esteem and a lack of confidence in life, you live a life where you do not trust yourself. When you cannot trust yourself, you end up trusting no-one. You wear a mask every day as a coping-mechanism so that no-one will see your insecurities and imperfections. Negative thoughts dwindle in your mind and you become afraid. You look for a safehold, a place where you feel comfortable. This doesn’t have to be a literal place. It may be figurative, like the place of intoxication. You fear the world outside and yearn to be in your safehold all the time

There are many different things that you may fear, like the fear of being alone, the fear of imperfection, the fear of aging and the fear of death. It is important that you work towards overcoming these fears. Before you can do this, you need to get to know yourself. Strengthen your strengths, and acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. Once you start focusing on your strengths, you will build your self-confidence. When you feel better about yourself, you will learn to push fear aside. Practice eventually makes perfect.

It’s natural that you will always become angry and you will always fear. You cannot stop experiencing these emotions, but you can control the degree to which you become angry or afraid. You need to recognize the emotions and take control of each.

Your mind is full of thoughts and mental stories. No-one perceives your thoughts and mental stories the way you do. Only you have the power to change these stories.    


The Meaning of Life

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